'Tis the Season...

For emotional breakdowns, depression, baking, over-eating, and family; or at least that’s my point of view right now.  Next weekend is Christmas, and lately it hasn’t felt like it at all- no decorations, no shopping, not really any baking, and no tree.  But I suppose that’s all of the materialistic characteristics of Christmas, so they don’t really matter.  Or do they?  Being broke for the holidays definitely puts things in perspective, and adds a smidgen of depression to the season.  But I should still be thankful for my family, my husband, and my lil’ man, right?- of course I am. 

However, I’ve been doing a lot of praying lately, mainly because I have no idea what else to do, but also because I’m tired of being depressed.  I know there are families out there that are having a harder time than we are- families that can’t even afford a place to live, they can’t afford groceries, and they can’t afford gifts for one another.  But somehow, some still find joy in the Christmas season.  So why can’t I?  Well, there’s absolutely NOTHING that I can personally do to fix our situation- so I gave it to Him.  I will let Him fix it; just please give me my happiness back.  Well, I have some of my happiness back- the Christmas tree got decorated (I supervised while sitting in the massage chair), and I’ve decided to unleash my small stash of handmade items as gifts this year.  I won’t be able to give to everyone, but I’ll still be able to give.  And He’s fixing it….my hubby finishes a job this next week, and will be getting a contract for a large job tomorrow.  Thank you Lord!!!

Now if only He can do something about this back pain of mine…

21 wks 2 days

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve posted any updates, but honestly- being pregnant is hard, and with everything else going on in my life a blog is just not a high priority right now.  I have more important things to cry about.

So here’s what you missed…

November 29^th we had our second ultrasound- which was amazing!  I can’t believe how much our baby has grown already; from peanut-sized at 10 weeks to the size of a soda can at 20 weeks!  And yes, we found out we’re having a BOY!!  At first, I was sliiiiightly disappointed because I REALLY wanted a little girl since I first found out I was knocked up.  But, over time I gave up my theory that I was having a girl and gave in to the possibility of it being a boy.  So, here we are…it’s a boy.

Now I need a name for this child.  Who knew that figuring out a name would be so difficult- especially finding a name that we both like.  If my husband had his way our child’s name would be Marc Anthony or Harrison Ford.  I really like the name Henry, but our cat’s name is Henry so that won’t work.  At least we have 19 more weeks to figure it out….

In the meantime, lil’ man is practicing his Kung Fu moves and I think last night he kicked me in the colon.  His little movements and activities make all the crap I’ve been going through worth it.  I had a friend comment on how everything I’m going through makes her feel sorry for preggos…so let’s recap:  my entire 1^st trimester was plagued with non-stop nausea, daily vomiting, serious food and smell aversions, and constant fatigue.  Now that I’ve made it halfway through my pregnancy, I’ve gotten past all of those issues…only now I get to deal with back pain, hip pain, can’t get comfortable at night, I pee constantly, indigestion has reared its ugly head, and now the doctor tells me I’m anemic.  Great.  So, I get to take iron supplements which I fear will give me constipation- which up until this point I haven’t had to deal with.  It’s a never-ending battle with my own body.  But like I said- it’s all worth it for this lil’ man, and I can’t wait to meet him!

Give thanks...

Every year we all celebrate Thanksgiving…a time when we can sit back, enjoy good company, good food, and be thankful for everything and everyone we have in our lives.

This year my husband and I seem to be in a tight spot with several issues going on in our lives and I am struggling with everything even more now that my hormones and emotions are raging from being pregnant.  Regardless of all the things that have happened in the last few years and the struggles we currently face, I am still thankful for everything I have been blessed with.

I have a husband who loves me with every bone in his body and will work himself to exhaustion to make sure that there’s food on our table, that the bills are paid, and that our little world continues to go ‘round.

Despite the loss of my step-mother a year-and-half ago, and then my dad recently moving to California, I am still thankful I continue to be surrounded by family and those who love me.

I am 19 weeks pregnant with our first little one, and even though we have no health insurance to cover the bills we continue to move forward knowing that whatever we need will be provided by Him.

Even though we have a very small living space, I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, and a place to call home.

I am truly thankful for everything in my life, everything that has happened in the past, despite whether it is good or not.  I am thankful that I can continue to have faith that everything will turn out for the better, even though some days I struggle.  I could go on and on about the things I am thankful for, but my point is that no matter how hard your struggles may be, or what adversities are handed to you- you should be thankful that you are human, that you have the ability to overcome, the ability to have faith, and the ability to live.  Do not forget what you are thankful for, and do not forget that He will never give you more than you can handle.

Tick Tock...

Have you ever had to wait for something really cool to happen, and it seems like time slows down to the point where you’re constantly annoyed that things are taking FOREVER!??!  That describes pretty much every day for me.   I’ll be starting my 18^th week tomorrow and I have yet to feel the baby move.  I’ve felt some weird things, but since this is my first I’m not really sure what I should be expecting.  People have described the movements as flutters or butterfly wings- but I’m not exactly sure what that would feel like inside my frickin uterus!!  Oh well… I guess I’ll know for sure when the baby kicks me in my bladder or somewhere else inconvenient.

Another thing we’re still waiting for is to find out the sex.  Our baby’s big debut will be November 29^th and he/she better be ready and willing to show off its junk because I’m dying of anticipation!! I started out hoping/convinced/’knowing’ that it was a girl…but now I’m not so sure.  And at first I felt I would be disappointed if it wasn’t a girl- but, I’ve had a lot of time to myself to think about things and I would be happy either way.  At least we’ll know for sure in 3 weeks J

As time moves forward, ever so slowly, my belly continues to grow…and my wardrobe continues to shrink.  I’ve lost the ability to wear a lot of my shirts since most of them were ‘snug’ in the first place, yet I’m still clinging to my pre-pregnancy pants.  For a while I was trying to wear a belt thinking that it would help keep my pants in place- but noooo….I was constantly struggling with my pants ALL day and I’m not ready to give in to maternity pants yet.  So, I bought a belly band.  I’ve read about them but never really understood how they could be effective at keeping your pants up while an expanding belly makes things difficult.  Well, it works.  The elastic is just strong enough to keep my pants up, even if I decide to wear them unbuttoned, and at the same time is comfortable to wear all day.  Problem solved –for now.

And since we’re talking about clothes, I’m pretty surprised that some one-stop shopping stores either carry a small section of maternity clothes or nothing at all.  Pretty annoying.  I guess at some point I’ll have to force myself to venture out and make the 30 minute drive to the closest shopping center that actually sells a variety of maternity clothes.  Now, I’d like you to understand that yes, I know 30 minutes is really not that bad- but I HATE clothes shopping in the first place, and since I’m pregnant driving can make me really tired and/or nauseous.  So a 30 minute one-way drive is quite a daunting task for me these days. 

TIP:  Never be over-confident in your bladder’s ability to ‘hold it’ for an extended period of time…it may give up when you least expect it.

Crazy Talk.

Being pregnant for the first time has really opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I’m also beginning to understand certain things- like a pregnant woman’s random psycho and/or emotional fits.  Pregnancy not only changes you physically, but emotionally, and it is definitely a test of your relationship strength with your spouse.

Granted I’m only in my 14^th week right now, but my body has gone through a whirl-wind of changes already.  My hormones went through the roof, sometimes I feel like the life has been permanently sucked out of me, my boobs are growing at a phenomenal rate, and now my belly is beginning to bulge.  And that’s just the beginning.

Sometimes we think emotions are simple- happy, sad, angry…  However, if you’ve ever experienced a crazy PMS moment where nothing makes sense and not even your husband understands what the hell is going on- well, mulitply that by 10 or 20 and you get crazy preggo lady fits.  No ice cubes?  The world is ending.  Nothing in the fridge sounds appealing?  You’re surely going to starve.  Annnnddd cue the random crying and emotional rampages.  I’ve had a few of these moments so far, and my poor husband will ask “Why are you crying?”.  Ha! That’s a silly question because even I don’t know the answer!!

All of these physical and emotional changes can make a pregnant girl feel alone.  Because as far as the baby daddy is concerned, he thought everything would just be normal- sort of.  And that’s where social networking comes in.  I’ve found that it’s nice to know other pregnant ladies, or veteran mommies to talk to because as a first time mom there’s a lot to learn.  Most of the stuff I’ve heard, I could’ve done without…like the gross stuff that happens in the delivery room.  But I suppose it’s good to know what to expect. 

Hopefully these next 6 months go by fast- I’m tired of waiting already. J

Baby Belly Bump

Tomorrow I start week 14, and now that my belly has decided to expand it’s putting a damper on my wardrobe.  T-shirts are getting tight, the waistline in my jeans doesn’t fit right, and I think I need to invest in some super comfy slip-on shoes.  Oh, and now that the 9 months of rain has started here in Oregon, I feel like I should invest in some sort of rain jacket- but how am I going to pull that off without looking like a human seal?  Hopefully someone won’t harpoon me.

I’m still at that stage where if you don’t actually know that I’m pregnant you might just think I have a nice little belly pudge.  But what people don’t see is MY view- I get to look down at my belly every day.  Looking down at a baby belly bump is much different than looking at one- my belly looks huge from that view!  And it’s only going to get bigger….

Speaking of baby belly bumps –say that three times fast- I’ve already had people touch my belly.  Thankfully they were people I know, which is easier for me to deal with than a complete stranger randomly touching me.  I swear- if some stranger actually has the nerve to even try to touch my belly I will go crazy psycho preggo lady on their @$$!  For those of you who know me will find that statement completely normal.  But for those of you who don’t- I have a really big personal space bubble.  I don’t let very many people into my space bubble, and I certainly do not let strangers in.  My husband understands this about me, and it’s nice to have him with me when I go out in public- he’s like my personal space bubble bodyguard.  For example, I really really really hate it when I’m standing in line –let’s say at a grocery store- and the person behind me thinks that by crowding me I will scoot forward somehow making the cashier work faster.  It doesn’t work that way you moron! Enter, Sam- he usually stands behind me in grocery lines because this happens every single time.  Sam will either say something to the crowder, push their cart backwards, or do some other crafty thing to get them to back off. 

TIP:

Use your common sense- if you have it in the first place, respect people’s personal space and privacy, and most of all don’t touch strangers- even if they have a super cute pregnant belly.

1st Trimester- finished!

Today I start week 13 in my pregnancy; wrapping up my first trimester.  Hopefully over the next few weeks I’ll lose my constant nausea and regain my severely diminished energy levels.  Some days I have enough energy I swear I could do EVERYTHING on my giant to-do list, and other days I wish I had enough energy to get out of bed.  Oh, and that’s the other thing- write things down!  I’ve figured out that I can no longer rely on myself to remember things for later.  It’s either do it now, or write it down and do it later.  Trust me, the ideas go just as quickly as they come and it’s a pain in the butt to strain your brain in hopes of remembering something you probably don’t even have the energy to do in the first place. 

Another tip I’ve come across- make other people do things for you; I mean, delegate.  First of all, us preggo chicks aren’t supposed to be lifting heavy objects… so make your man slave do all the heavy lifting –they may resist at first and think you’re just being whiny or lazy, but in reality they LOVE flexing their muscles for us…and they should just do it anyways. J

The next tip- don’t try to over work yourself.  I have a tendency to try and do as much stuff as I possibly can before I lose my beloved energy burst.  Pace yourself- it’s ok if you don’t finish everything you wanted to for the day…I have to remind myself that making a baby is hard work!

Updates…

I had my first prenatal appointment a couple weeks ago, and we had our first ultrasound done – it was completely amazing seeing that little peanut and realizing there really is a baby growing inside.  And no- I’m not having twins!

I tried looking at baby names the other week –I never realized how difficult it would be to pick out a name for another human being!!  Maybe I’ll have better luck when we know if it’s a boy or girl.  I’m still rooting for a girl!